Tuesday, 21 March 2017

FIVE INSANELY AWESOME INSTAGRAM VIDEOS

Mike Pearson's vein-tastic quads, Johnny Doull's twitchy tits, Dallas McCarver's impossibly shiny posers and some of the most loved muscle monsters from the 00's (probably all time)! They're all here in a post featuring five brilliant beef-packed Instagram videos.

First up, a video of (ruddy gorgeous!) 6'2 Aussie bodybuilder Mike Pearson posing in competition condition! I did a post on this guy a few years back (check it out here) and he's made a bit of a comeback in recent months. Here he is tanned to shit and shredded to all out buggery and showing off his immensely conditioned physique for the camera (what is going on with all those veins in his quads?)! I especially love the bit where he's just BLASTING out that crazy most muscular with that cheeky chimp of a red trunk sporting daddy! The cheekiest, proudest expressions on their faces as they just let rip into the camera and show off what beyond human FREAKS they've morphed themselves into. FUCKING GO FOR IT LADS!! Hehe!



I can't decide what part of this video of Johnny Doull I like best. The bit where he tugs down on the waistband of his shorts to teasingly show off the top of his shiny purple posers (*whimpers like a puppy*), the bit where his tits start involuntarily twitching and jumping (HOLY BLOODY MOLY!), the part where he opens up his monster sized barn-door back and releases that awesome exhaling hissing noise ("PFHOOOO"!) or the bit where he pulls down his shorts and starts adjusting his bright, glittery, brilliantly purple posers (WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO US JOHNNY MATE)?!



Disappointed at the lack of glutes on show from that last video? This one of a trunk free bodybuilder getting a spray tan backstage should make up for it! OK…1) LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ASS (SPOILER ALERT: It's HUUUUUGE)! 2) Can you think of any other type of competition/event/sport where it's perfectly acceptable for the competitors to be completely and unashamedly naked in front of a room full of people backstage? And lastly...3) HOW AND WHERE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DO I APPLY FOR THAT BLOODY JOB?!

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Everyone's favourite 300 lbs American muscle monster Dallas McCarver looking terrifyingly MONSTROUS (though to be fair - does he ever NOT?!) on stage at the Arnold Classic! Who ate all the roids? Fucking DALLAS by the looks of it! Huge! Cocky! Gorgeous! There's not a single thing about this beef mountain of a man that doesn't disappoint. Plus points must also go to those outrageously shiny blue knickers! Tell me Dallas, was it your mission to find THE shiniest trunks on the market? If so…mission well and truly accomplished mate!

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And from one of today's most popular bodybuilders to some of the most loved muscle monsters of the 00's in a downright BONKERS clip from the 2006 Mr Olympia! Dexter Jackson looks as awesome as he ever has, Jay Cutler looks fucking NUTS and Ronnie Coleman looks like something from another fucking planet (THOSE TITS! FUCK)! The best bit has to be the abs and thighs where all three aforementioned freaks start shouting out as they crank down on their giant lego brick-like, tummy popping abs like a pack of fucking animals. "ARRGHHH"! "HAAAA"! "YEAARGGHHH"! NOISY BLEEDIN' BUGGERS!!

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What was your favourite video from this post? Let me know in the poll below.

Sunday, 12 March 2017

MUSCLE FICTION STORY: DAN AND JAKE (PART 3)

"What the fuck are these lads doing to me? Any rest bite I enjoyed during mine and Dan’s playful posing trunk antics has long gone. The head of my cock feels like it’s about to burst. One wrong move, one pose squeezed too hard, or one accidental brush up against one of my fellow hard-bodies competitors and I fear that I’ll literally explode in my posers."

OK here goes with the third and final part of "Dan and Jake". Although it's the last part, it's bigger than the previous two. I thought about chopping it up into smaller parts but I think it packs more of a punch if it's read in one go.

With this part I've done something I've always wanted to do; write something from the point of view of a bodybuilder on stage! I always thought said bodybuilder would be the cockiest poser imaginable but I've gone in a slightly different angle here which was still really fun to write!

It also introduces two new (very different) bodybuilders who are the lads rival's in the junior class; cutie patootie Todd McKenzie (shy, humble and SHREDDED with gorgeous bloody abs - SWOON!) and Gary "Gaz" Anderson (an arrogant lobster red skinned fucker with balloon-esque tits and lime green trunks - SPLAT)!

Thank you to everyone who has given me their brilliant feedback for this story. Hopefully you'll all enjoy this part as much as the others! I've also added a little poll at the end of the post where you can let me know what your favourite element about the story was.

Let Jake's "Operation: Not Spunk Your Trunks" (the randy rapscallion) commence…



DAN AND JAKE (PART 3)

Several hours later and I'm standing on stage in the final comparisons round of the juniour category at the biggest bodybuilding show in Britain.

On stage with me are three other lads. All caked in bronzed competition tan from head to foot. All wearing nothing but teenie weenie posers. All sporting obscenely muscular, indecently shredded physiques which have been pushed to unspeakable limits, and which are now being ogled and gawped at by the cheering crowd of hundreds before them.

On the far right end of the line up is a lad called Todd. By far the smallest guy in the group, but what he lacks in size he sure makes up for in conditioning. The lines in his quads are completely nuts and his almost perfectly shaped and down gorgeous abs look like they've been carved with an exceptionally sharp knife.

On countless occasions during the previous comparisons rounds I've found my eyes unexpectedly veering to Todd's tummy. Something I'm convinced he's noticed.

In turn, there have been a few occasions where I've caught him looking at me. On one of those occasions I returned his gaze, and as our eyes locked, he flashed me a shy but adorable smile and I'm sure I noticed an ever so slight redness to his cheeks.

I'm almost positive I blushed through my bronzed tan too, because, although he's no match for Dan in the drop dead gorgeous looks department, Todd is possibly one of the most achingly cute bodybuilders I've ever seen. His humble, almost shy demeanour just adds to his charm and all round adorableness.

In sharp contrast, the bodybuilder standing next to me, and at the far left end of the line up is a lad name Gaz, who is anything but shy and humble.

He needs to up his game conditioning wise, but there's no mistake about it; Gaz is an absolute tank and he knows it. He’s built like a bull, with thick balloon-like tits bulging off his chest and a bum so obscenely big it almost rivals mine.

He has a lobster red like colouring to his skin and is wearing the shiniest lime green posers imaginable. While he’s certainly not cute, and definitely not conventionally handsome, there's an undeniable sexiness to his brutish but boyish, rough around the edges looks.

He also just might be the cockiest, most aggressive bodybuilder I've ever competed with. He's done nothing but grunt, groan and growl his way through his poses, which he hits with so much force and aggression, I'm scared that he's accidentally going to knock me off the stage.

And, standing right next to me, completing the line up and holding out his fist out for me to bump once again, is the clear winner of the class. Looking more outrageously built and impossibly gorgeous than he ever has in his brand new custom made novelty posing trunks; the one and only Dan "The Man" Murray.

As we stand in line waiting for Bob the commentator to start calling out the poses, the audience are going absolutely crazy.

I know the majority of those cheers are for Dan. A couple of them are no doubt for Gaz and Todd too. But I can't seem to wipe the smile from my face, because I know that a hell of a lot of those cheers are for me.

It might be because I'm in the best condition of my life so far, it might be because of my Union Jack posing trunks or it might be due to the rise in popularity of the "Dan and Jake: Brothers In Beef" vlog, but the response I've received from the crowd every time I've been in the spotlight today has been nothing short of bonkers.

The gasps, cheers and claps that greet my astonishingly conditioned, freakishly muscular physique seem to have doubled since last year's show.

The audience reaction, the incredible atmosphere of the show, the knowledge that my physique has never looked freakier and the exceptionally high level of outrageously hot bodybuilders in the competition (the three lads on stage with me now included) have all contributed to this being, hands down, the best experience I’ve ever had competing in a bodybuilding show.

Unfortunately, all of those very same things are doing nothing to decrease my unspeakable arousal. It’s true that I always get turned on when competing, but in no previous bodybuilding shows have I ever felt the insane level of arousal I’ve felt today.

My entire posing routine was performed with the biggest hard on filling out my posers. When I’d finished, I jumped off stage with only one mission; to run to the toilets backstage and blow the most tremendous load, in hope that it would relieve me for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately Dan rushed straight up to me to tell me how he couldn’t believe the audience reaction, how I’d absolutely nailed my routine and how he was “loving the ‘tude too dude!” and asking me where the hell it had come from.

It’s true, unlike Dan The Man, I don’t normally display much attitude on stage. I’m a little too naturally shy to do so. But, spurred on by the cheers, my final most musculars were hit with considerably more aggression than usual. I even gritted my teeth and cheekily scrunched up my face a little, in probably the closest I’ve ever gotten to pulling what you’d call a cocky facial expression.

After being cornered by him, I tried to escape to the toilets, but Dan said he could do with going too. Bugger. Even when I’d locked myself in a cubicle and he shouted that he’d wait outside for me and left, I just couldn’t relax enough to knock one out knowing he wasn’t too far away. Double fucking bugger.

By the time we’d gotten back to the pump room, we were being called on stage for the final few comparison rounds. That’s when my sexual arousal really went through the roof. Flexing and posing next to cute Todd, nasty Gaz and, of course, gorgeous Dan, I’ve literally never been more turned on in my life. My dick has been juddering and pulsating since my foot touched the stage, and my Union Jack posers are now wet with pre-cum.

Initially when I was facing the front and not looking at the other tan plastered, shredded to buggery muscle lads next to me, things were not quite so bad. But when Gaz started grunting and yelling with his poses, I knew I was absolutely fucked.

That, plus the image of huge, shredded, gloriously bronzed body parts from two exceptionally hot lads and the love of my life Dan, flexing and squeezing right before my eyes every time I turn to the left or right, or even just turn my head in either direction, has bought back the fear I was suddenly faced with when Dan draped his arm around me during last year’s posedown; that I’m so immensely fucking turned on that I could, quite possibly accidentally shoot a hands-free load of cum into my posing trunks. Would it actually happen? Could it happen?!

I have this one last comparisons round to get through, and then it’s the part of the show that is both undoubtedly the horniest, and the one which will really put me to the fucking test; the posedown.

"OK lads", Bob calls in his familiar, thick Yorkshire accent. "Let's see a front double bicep".

Here goes. I can do this. Let “Operation: Not Spunk Your Trunks” commence.

As I lift up both of my arms, squeeze my fists hard and tense my bulging biceps, Gaz’s loudest, most animalistic growl erupts from my left.

“GRRAAARRGGHHH”!!

My dick starts spasming in response and I grit my teeth and continue to squeeze away. But then, another unexpected yell erupts, this time from my right.

“YEEEEESSSSS”!!

HOLY BUGGERING FUCK!!

My eyes shoot open in surprise and I can’t help but turn to the lad on my right, now blowing up his gorgeous thick biceps with the fuck-off cockiest look on his beautiful face. Dan has always been a cocky poser but he’s never been a noisy one.

As downright bloody awesome as it was, I pray that his unexpected vocal outburst was a one off. If Dan does this with every pose, both me and “Operation: Not Spunk Your Trunks” are fucked.

“Front lat spread”, Bob calls out.

Gaz bellows out the most aggressive groan. “HEURRGGHHH”! As my dick furiously jolts in my posers, I bite my lip and brace myself for Dan’s noisy response. I breathe a sigh of relief when nothing comes, but I’m also slightly disappointed.

“Side chest. Any side”, Bob instructs us.

I turn to my right to be faced with Dan’s physique. His thick, bronzed tits look they’ve been carved out of marble, and his perfectly symmetrical bricks of ab muscle look more jaw-droppingly beautiful than ever. I realise I’ve made a huge mistake and picked the wrong side, so I quickly swivel to my left to be faced with an almost equally hot sight; Gaz’s humongous sized bottom spilling out either side of his shiny lime green posers. OH GOD.

“HRRREEEUUGHHH”!!

OH FUCK! Gaz bellows out his hottest and cockiest yell yet.

“EEEE-YEEEEEAAAHHHH”!!

OH JESUS! Dan is bloody at it again.

“HAAARRRGGGHH”!!

And another outrageous yell from Gaz. He’s acting like an animal and I’m leaking pre-cum into my trunks in response.

“YAAARRGGHHSS”!!

FUCKING. FUCK. FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK. Dan and Gaz are having some kind of shouting contest, much to the amusement of the audience who are now jeering and laughing in response. This is quite possibly the horniest fucking experience of my life.

“Settle down lads, settle down.”

FUCK OFF BOB!

“Turn to the rear…and a back double bicep”.

Gaz lets out a mini grunt as he hits the pose, but Dan seems to be obeying the show’s commentator. His good behaviour is only short lived though. As I’m opening up my back in a rear lat spread, I suddenly feel something brushing against my glutes and the back of my posers. The crowd are roaring with laughter, and as I look over my shoulder in confusion, I find a mischievous and guilty looking Dan retracting from my back and standing up straight. The cheekiest smirk is on his face. I violently blush when I look down and realise what he’s done. The cheeky fucking bugger has tucked the material of my posers into the crack of my arse, revealing more of my famously developed, mammothly huge glutes to the audience, now laughing and screaming in response. Fuck!

As Bob instructs us to face the front of the stage again, I catch Dan’s eye. The most gorgeous and devilish grin is plastered on his utterly handsome face and I can’t help but beam in return. An idea suddenly crosses my mind like a flash. Should I? Could I get him back for tucking my trunks into my bum crack?

“Abs and thighs”, Bob calls.

I look to my left to see Dan throwing his arms around the back of his head. This is my chance to respond to his prank. I shouldn’t. It’s stupid. And childish. FUCK IT. I reach over to Dan, quickly and clumsily grab the left strap of his custom made “Dan The Man” posers, pull it and let it fall back on his hips with a snap.

The crowd erupts with laughter and high pitched cheers and Dan is grinning like crazy. He then throws his arms back down, lunges towards me, wraps one of his huge, thick arms around my neck and brings me forward in a playful headlock. The fucking nutter! I’m surprised and embarrassed, but I can't deny how good it feels to have that superhuman sized arm around my neck, and to be so close to Dan’s staggeringly muscular body.

“Come on now lads. Stop messing around and hit the poses”, Bob orders with a slight annoyance in his voice. “Abs and thighs please, abs and thighs”.

Poor Gaz and Todd have been flexing and crunching away while the audience have been roaring at mine and Dan’s behaviour. I throw my arms behind my head and as I crunch down hard and my crazily peeled, wonky-shaped abs burst through my tummy, Gaz makes his presence well known again by releasing an outrageously loud grunt. Mine and Dan’s playful antics have at least eased by arousal slightly, but I have a feeling it’s about to come back in full force.

“YEEESSSSS!! HHHSSSSSSS”!! Round two of the Dan and Gaz Shouting Contest has commenced. Fuuuuuuck!

“And your final pose lads. Any most muscular”.

If there’s one pose that will cause me to accidentally blow my load in my Union Jack posers, it’s this one. And if there’s one thing that will double that chance, it’s Dan and Gaz squeezing out matching most musculars and yelling like animals beside me. The mere thought alone has caused my rock hard trunk covered dick to start twitching.

I decide to hit the pose gently. Surely that will minimise the chances of any spunk shooting out? Before I’ve barely placed my hands on my hips, an obscenely loud shout comes from my left.

“GRRRAAAAARRRGGHHH”!!

FUCK! My cock jolts sharply as I squeeze into my pose and bite me lip.

“EEEE-YEEEEEAAAHHHHH”!!

DOUBLE FUCKING FUCK!! Dan lets out his loudest, cockiest and downright bleeding hottest yell yet. What the fuck are these lads doing to me? Any rest bite I enjoyed during mine and Dan’s playful posing trunk antics has long gone. The head of my cock feels like it’s about to burst. One wrong move, one pose squeezed too hard, or one accidental brush up against one of my fellow hard-bodies competitors and I fear that I’ll literally explode in my posers.

“And if the music man’s ready”, Bob beings, “let’s get a thirty second posedown”.

Thirty seconds to NOT cream my trunks. I can do this. I can fucking do this. The opening bars of The Prodigy’s “Smack My Bitch Up” play out and Gaz immediately runs to the centre of the stage.

“ROOOOAAAAARRRR”!! Oh God. Don’t look. Just don’t look. I stay rooted to the spot, squeezing out a front lat spread for the audience as Gaz takes centre stage and cranks the beef in his typical outrageously cocky and animalistic manner. “HRRYYYEAAAHHHH”!! Dan has bloody joined him. I swivel round to face the rear of the audience. I can’t look in their direction but hearing the shouts, grunts and groans of those two beefy bastards battling it out alone are excruciatingly horny.

As I squeeze out a back double bicep, someone taps me on the shoulder. I know it’s Dan and he wants to pose with me. Oh God. Ignore it. Just ignore it. I carry on squeezing but as I do, I suddenly panic. I don’t have any more rear poses left to hit and I can’t face away from the audience throughout the entire posedown.

I spin around and clock Dan and Gaz together. I quickly move to the other end of the stage. Cute Todd is hitting some rear poses. As adorable as he is, and as gorgeous and God damn hot as his abs are, I know I’m safer posing near him than the two cocky, screaming beef monsters on the other side of the stage.

“YAAAAHHH”!! “PFOOOOO”!! The noisy blighters won’t shut up. There’s a fair few muscle loving lads who are gonna lose a load or two over this posedown when it appears on YouTube. Christ I’m fucking horny.

Facing away from Gaz and Dan, I bring up my arm and blast out a side chest. “Yeah Jake”, I hear a bloke cry in the audience. I have no idea who he is but I can’t help but grin at the support. My tits are exploding off my frame and my insane biceps are bursting through my bronzed wafer thin skin. As I look to my cheering, adoring audience an uncharacteristically cocky thought pops into my mind; get a load of THAT fuckers!

I suddenly feel a presence close by. Oh fuck. It’s Dan! He’s right bloody next to me - all 220 lbs of him, and he’s quickly transitioning into his own side chest pose. “YEEEEAHHHH”, he shouts in the most animated fashion.

He slaps me on my tricep. FUCK OFF DAN! Can’t you see a boy’s trying NOT to spunk his trunks? He’s signalling for me to hit a front lat spread. What can I do but follow suit? Luckily he forgets to yell like an animal, but he’s now motioning for us to hit a most muscular. Fuck! I put my hands on my hips and gently squeeze, showing off my beyond shredded freak-show worthy physique to my fans, knowing Dan’s probably gonna go for a full on, in-yer-face, balls to the wall crab most muscular. He doesn’t. Instead, he wraps his fucking arm around my neck, sidles up to me until his huge, rock hard torso is pressed snugly against mine and brings his left fist into a curl.

Not knowing what else to do, I carry on squeezing and let my body sink into his. It’s torturous being so close to cumming, but equally, feeling Dan’s huge, hard, tanned body sinking into mine feels like some kind of seventh fucking Heaven. His scent engulfs me. A potent mixture of aftershave, tan, sweat, and pure testosterone.

“EEEE-YYEEEEEAAHHHH”!!

Completely lost in my incredible embrace with Dan, I almost jump at the obscenely loud, animal-like growl now ringing in my left ear. Gaz has sidled up next to me so here’s mere inches away, and is now squeezing out a monstrous, hands clasped together most muscular. I was desperately trying to get away from the two noisy, ‘tude packed muscle monsters part responsible for the fact that I’m one wrong move away from creaming in my trunks, and now I’m sandwiched in between the two buggers.

With Dan’s arm still tightly wrapped around my neck, I suddenly feel another arm wrap around my back. It’s Gaz’s! OH JESUS. I’m completely encompassed by two huge muscle bulls. Hopelessly trapped between two walls of thick, hard, shredded muscle. My cock has the same sensation it does about three seconds before I’m about to shoot the most tremendous load. I’m seriously starting to panic now. Surely thirty seconds is almost up?

“YEEEESSSSS”!! “GRRAAAARRR”!!

SHUT THE FUCK UP LADS! As they stop squeezing, both Dan and Gaz simultaneously release their grip on me. I’m relieved, but equally disappointed. But Dan’s not going anywhere. He’s turning to me. An over excited look on his face.

“Head to head crab most muscular dude”, he says. Oh fuck. Oh God no. This is gonna finish me off. The music’s still going . The crowd are going nuts. Are they chanting my name? I’m cornered. Dan wants a head to head most muscular and the audience want it too. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fucking FUUUUUCKKK!

I turn to face Dan and accept my fate. With the biggest grin on his face, I’ve never seen him looking so excited, or so outrageously gorgeous. Leaning forward, I press my sweat drenched forehead against his. Lifting both my arms up and back down into a crab most muscular, I jam my eyes shut and hope and pray to every God imaginable that, standing on stage at the biggest bodybuilding competition in Britain, I don’t accidentally shoot a massive load of cum into my one item of super shiny, Union Jack patterned clothing.

"SQUEEEEZE IT LADS!", shouts one of the hundreds of audience members watching.

And as I squeeze, the most raucous growl bellows right in my face from my posing partner.

"YEEEEAARRGGHHHH"!!

OH FUCK!! My dick is violently pulsating and my whole body feels like it’s tingling.

“AARRGGHHHH"!

OH GOD!!

“AARRGGHHHH"!

I think…

“AARRGGHHHH"!

I’m gonna…

“AARRGGHHHH"!

CUM…

"YEEEAARRGGHHHH"!!

The music’s stopped. Dan’s forehead pulls away. I can barely breathe. I feel dizzy,  like I’m going to topple over. The shouts and screams are ringing in my ears. I open my eyes. Dan’s fingers are wrapped around mine and he gives my huge boulder shoulder an affectionate squeeze. The posedown is over. My posers feel wet. I look down in panic. Amazingly, I haven’t cum. My dick’s still hard, and I’ve leaked out what feels like an obscene amount of pre-cum, but I’ve gotten through the posedown and my head to head crab most muscular, feeling the closest I’ve ever felt to cumming in my entire life, without actually managing to do so. “Operation: Not Spunk Your Trunks” has been a complete success.

“OK lads, if you’d like to leave the stage. We have a small presentation now, and then we’ll be bringing you back on in five minutes to announce the results”, Bob says.

As I walk off the stage with Dan’s arm wrapped around my back, Gaz giving Dan a fist bump and cutie patootie Todd leaving as quietly and humbly as he posed on stage, I suddenly notice that the crowd are still chanting my name. Not Dan’s name. Mine!

“Dude, you fucking OWNED that stage”, Dan is saying backstage. Errrm. Did I? It seemed to me that Dan and Gaz were pretty much the only two lads doing any sort of owning, with their animalistic, alpha male shouts and growls, and immensely cocky, power packed posing. Me and poor, shy Todd might as well have not even been there.

Just as I start to wonder whether I’ve got time to run to the toilets to shoot my excruciatingly pent-up load before we’re called back on stage, Dan gets my attention by saying three words I never thought I‘d hear from his lips. “DUDE! YOU WON”!

Erm…WHAT?? He’s clutching his phone and looking at me in an expression which is a mixture of sheer surprise, and elation. “The posing trunk challenge. You fucking won”! I can barely wipe the smile off my face. I have never, ever won anything over Dan before. But what tugs at my heart more than the fact that I won the votes of a competition from our vlog readers is Dan’s reaction. He’s constantly teasing me about kicking my arse but it was clearly all just banter, because, with the most heart-melting and downright gorgeous grin on his perfect little face, he looks genuinely excited and pleased for me.

“You bastard!”, he playfully jokes, before grinning at me even more. God I love him. So, so fucking much.

“Lads, we’re ready for you now”, says a cheery looking, fairly handsome chap with a clipboard. His eyes veer down to my sweat drenched, shredded to fuck abs and I suddenly have a pretty good idea of where he’d like his tongue to be. Sorry mate, you’re cute and all and I’m sure I’d have fun standing in the middle of your bedroom and hitting some poses until you creamed in your Primark bought boxers, but Dan’s my man, and always will be.

I waddle back on stage with my fellow competitors. I’m trailing behind Dan and it’s the most magnificent sight. The stage lights are bouncing off his sweat and tan soaked bull-like traps and monstrously wide back and his oversized arse is spilling out either side of his insanely awesome “DAN THE MAN” posers. How more people thought my trunks were better than those I have no idea. With big, balloon-titted, lobster-red Gaz behind me and adorable little Todd trailing at the back I can’t help but smile at the fact that we’ve probably accidentally walked on stage in order of where we’ve placed in the class.

Though with the sheer size of Gaz, and his insane performance during the posedown, I wouldn’t be that surprised if he’d beaten me to the runner up spot. Someone cheers my name again. “Yeah Jake”! If there wasn’t the very high chance of me accidentally creaming in my posing trunks, I’d probably hit a quick, hard, cheeky most muscular in response. BOOM!

“And now to announce the results of this year’s junior class category”, says Bob. I suddenly wonder what he’d think if he knew he’d played a vital role in my wedding dream last night.

“In fourth place…Todd McKenzie”! Bless Todd. He picks up his award and despite coming last, as the crowd cheer him, he looks genuinely pleased. He blasts out a quick abs and thighs for the audience. The cheeky little blighter. Thank GOD I’m only able to witness it from the back.

“In third place….”, Bob begins. My stomach suddenly tightens. “Gary Anderson”! The crowd erupts in cheers and whoops and I feel a slight rush. Second place for Jake “The Shredinator” Adams for a third year running. Not bad going eh?

“ARRRGHHH”! Even with third place, Gaz celebrates by blasting out a quick most muscular with one of his trademark growls. Maybe the cheeky bugger shouts, screams and groans whenever or wherever the fuck he blasts out a pose. FUCK that’s a horny thought.

Dan grabs my hands and holds it. FUCK! Not a fist bump. Not a friendly grip of my fingers. He’s actually holding my hand. I can barely keep from grinning as I squeeze his in return.

“In second place…”, Bob begins. I dreamily look at Dan, expecting to see the face I’ve seen the past two years just before he’s about to be announced as the winner. Slightly apprehensive but quietly confident. But this time, he’s wearing a different expression. He actually looks nervous.

“Dan Murray”! The crowd go absolutely nuts and Dan lunges forward towards me and briefly puts his arm around my back in an embrace. As he pulls away and looks at me with an affectionate and strangely proud look on his face, it suddenly dawns on me what’s happening.

Dan has come second. Which means, I’ve won. Wait. WHAT?! I’ve won? I’VE FUCKING WON! How. Just…how?! Dan is biting his lip and still giving me that affectionate glare. He almost looks as if he’s about to cry. But not because he’s lost. Because he’s pleased that I’ve won. I, Jake “The Shredinator” Adams” have fucking won!

Dan has gone to collect his award and the cheering crowd are chanting my name once more. That’s why they’ve been chanting my name throughout the class. They’ve known all along what I’ve clearly been completely oblivious to. Or just too preoccupied with not spunking in my trunks with every given pose to notice. For the first time ever, I’m the best bodybuilder in the juniour class.

“Which means your new juniour class champion is...Jake Adams”. I waddle forward to the immensely loud cheers. I’m half expecting to suddenly wake up and find myself back in mine and Dan’s hotel bed.

I accept my first placed trophy from Bob; a little gold statue of a muscle man, and he shakes my hand. I make my way over to stand in between Gaz and Dan. I still can’t believe this is happening.

“One final most muscular lads”, Bob calls. I place my trophy in front of me, and gently squeeze into a hands on hips most muscular. Gaz lets out another growl, but Dan is surprisingly quiet. Showing off my shredded-to-the bone, class winning physique for my now cheering, adoring audience, I can’t help but feel like some kind of God.

With the crowd still going crazy, I start to bend down to pick up my trophy, but Dan, coming towards me, interrupts me. Holding both of his arms out, he wraps them around me and before I know it, we’re pressed together in a tight embrace.

I wrap my arms around Dan’s huge barn door back in return, and bury my head in one of his thick bull traps. I could stay buried in his neck forever. He squeezes me tighter still, completely engulfing me in his huge, sweat drenched mass. My pecs are squashed against his. Our thick, shredded abs pressed together. My hard, shiny, posing trunk covered bulge pushed up against his. Together, we’re just one big heaving ball of superhuman sized, rock hard, sweat soaked muscle. He gives me one more tight squeeze, I dig my fingers into his monstrous back, completely drowning in his monstrous mass and that’s when it happens.

A bolt of panic suddenly shoots through me and my whole body feels like it’s exploding. FUCK. OH. MY. FUCKING FUUUCCKKKK. I release a muffled cry into his trap and grip onto his back as my whole body starts shuddering in his arms and what feels like a tsunami of spunk is unleashed in my trunks and I’m finally relieved of the thing that I’ve been bursting to do all day. I’ve cum. Standing on stage at the biggest bodybuilding show in Britain, wrapped around Dan, in front of an audience of hundreds, I’ve cum.

I have no idea what will happen next. What this means for my bodybuilding career. What it means for my friendship with Dan. But with my head sunk into Dan’s neck and feeling his huge, hot mass wrapped around me as he holds me as tight as he possibly can, I don’t care. Because right now, and for the first time ever, I feel like he’s mine. Dan The Man is finally mine.

NOTES

- Several elements of Jake's wedding dream at the beginning of the story come to fruition in the posedown. The presence of Bob the commentator, the Prodigy song, the head to head most muscular and the "SQUEEEEZE IT LADS!" line.

- The last line of the story "I feel like he’s mine. Dan The Man is finally mine" also recalls a line from Jakes' dream. After they have wed, he tells the reader, "He's mine. Dan The Man is finally mine."

Saturday, 4 March 2017

MUSCLE FICTION STORY: DAN AND JAKE (PART 2)

"It's not just being in competition condition that I find incredibly horny. There's something about competing in a bodybuilding show that turns me on to an almost ridiculous degree.

Standing on stage in nothing but tiny shiny posers. Shredded to death and caked in tan from head to toe. Flexing and posing and showing off my ridiculously developed slabs of crazily huge muscle mass with a bunch of other, equally huge, insanely shredded and excessively muscular lads. All of them their to flex and show off their big muscles to an adoring, awe stricken audience."


It's time for part two of "Dan and Jake"; my story about two of the most loved and popular juniour bodybuilders in Britain.

This part sees the lads filming the latest episode of their "Brothers In Beef" vlog, where they both reveal their choice of posers in their "Posing Trunk Challenge" (a challenge set by the lads to see who can find the best/most bonkers pair of posers)!

It also explores something which I've always loved the idea of; a bodybuilder who is turned on by his own physique, being surrounded by other shredded muscle lads and standing on stage, flexing and posing and showing off his inhuman physique for an audience.

Part 3 up next!



DAN AND JAKE (PART 2)

As much as I love Dan I inwardly cringe at the way he greets our audience. "Hey dudes and dudettes. Welcome to another edition of Dan and Jake: Brothers In Beef. It's the morning of the British championships and my boy Jake here is SHREDDED!! Jake show the viewers that Christmas tree"!

I dutifully spin around to show off my freaky lower back to the camera, all the time enjoying the giddy feeling that always comes when Dan praises my physique. Or even just throws me the slightest compliment.

"How's THAT for conditioning folks"?

Now it's my turn to compliment Dan. "And as you can see guys, my man Dan is looking utterly monstrous."

At this point Dan let's out a playfully cocky "yeah baby", lifts up his arms and throws an insane front double bicep to show off the glorious peaks I’ve fantasised so often about wrapping my hands around, before he un-flexes and releases a cheeky and adorable little laugh.

"Ten pounds heavier than last years show people!", I continue to say to the camera.

"And I think Jake here is ten times more shredded", he adorably says, making my heart flutter.

Dan then proceeds to remind our followers about our "Posing Trunk Challenge". He's as characteristically cheeky as ever as he informs the camera that I've got my work cut out for me if I want to compete with the trunks hiding under his joggers. The trunks I have to admit I'm especially eager to see. But then, if it were up to me, Dan's permanent outfit would be nothing but a pair of posers. Packed and stretched at the front, and devoured by his gloriously developed glutes round the back. The shinier and more colourful the better.

Dan insists I reveal my posing trunks first. Spun around and facing away from the camera, I feel a sudden sense of excitement as I slowly peel the waistband of my shorts down to reveal the white, red and blue coloured material of my indecently shiny posers.

As soon as the pattern is revealed, Dan reacts in the most brilliant and excitable manner. "DUDE! Union Jack posers! Those. Are. AWESOME"!

My heart flutters again, I feel a giddy sensation and I can't stop smiling. Dan loves my posers! Yay!

"Spin around Jake! Let's see those babies from the front".

I dutifully oblige and show off my thick red, white and blue coloured bulge to the camera.

"Best trunks ever dude!", Dan exclaims as he bends down and leans in to inspect the front of my posers.

With Dan's gorgeous face about a foot from my shiny trunk covered bulge, my cheeks feel flushed and I start to panic as I feel a stirring in my trunks. Oh God. Don't get hard. Do NOT get hard.

"Well...second best anyway", he cheekily continues, pulling away. "Awww man. Those trunks are so good - I almost feel bad that I'm about to whip your arse".

"Wait until you get a load of THESE folks", he says. Then, spinning away from the camera and bending forward so his obscenely huge bottom is stuck in the air, he says something completely unexpected. "Jake, will you do the honours"?

Slightly dumbfounded, it takes a little while for me to realise what I'm being asked. "Dude, pull my joggers down! Time to reveal these bad boys!", he says, giving his big bum a cheeky wiggle.

I gulp and move towards Jake’s plump rump, and as I do, my dick starts to instantly swell in the shiny crotch of my trunks. It's completely useless trying to fight it.

By the time both of my hands are placed on the waistband of Dan's grey joggers, my Union Jack posers are stretching to a ridiculous degree by my full on, raging boner.

As I pull the joggers down in anticipation of seeing some brightly coloured shiny trunk material, my stomach jumps into my throat when all I'm met with is the bronzed skin and bare, overdeveloped meat which makes up Dan's arse cheeks.

Is this a trick? Some kind of goofy, laddish prank? I continue to peel Dan's joggers down to reveal more of his bare naked bum until I'm suddenly faced with his smooth, tight, adorably pink hole. Right in the middle of his thick, tanned cheeks.

"Surprise dude!", Dan exclaims. I'm completely speechless. "It's all yours mate", he says in the sexiest, most suggestive manner.

I look at his beautiful pink hole, and it starts to twitch, inviting me in. There's only one thing to do but oblige.

Grabbing onto the sides of Dan's gorgeous glutes, I bend down and slowly move my face towards the flesh of Dan's tight hole. I want my wet tongue inside of Dan. I wanna make him squirm and whimper. Hear the cute moans and hot groans of pleasure of a huge, pumped up muscle boy with a tongue filling up and dancing around inside his arsehole.

"DUDE! Come on!", Dan orders impatiently. As I’m suddenly snapped out of my fantasy, Jake’s tight hole is nowhere to be seen and my hands are back on the waistband of his grey joggers. Disappointment quickly fades and makes way for a sudden overwhelming sense of excitement as to what I'm really about to discover lurking underneath his trousers.

I'm firstly met with bright blue material. Blue posers - classic, masculine and outrageously sexy. God they're shiny. Obscenely fucking so in fact.

As I pull Dan's joggers down further, I'm met with something else. Something silver, and sparkly. They're studs. Silver, sparkly studs stuck on to Dan's blue trunks. And there's lots of them. Spread across his huge bottom. Making up patterns. No, letters. There’s something written on Dan's bum.

As Dan helps me yank his joggers down further, past his thick quads and crazy hams, I stand back to admire the back of his shiny blue trunks in all their bonkers glory, and to take in the three words written in silvers studs. My vlogging partner's famous nickname; "DAN THE MAN"!

"MATE! FUCK"! I'm almost at a loss for words. "I think those really are the best trunks ever"!

"Yeah baby!", Dan replies, giving his big shiny blue trunk encased bottom another cheekily wiggle.

"Where the hell did you get them from?", I ask.

"Some American dude on the Internet custom made them for me", he replies, still bent over with his arse in the air, proudly displaying his utterly fantastic posers.

"Feel the letters mate!", he says, wiggling his rump once more.

Oh God. Oh fuck. I gingerly step forward moving closer to Dan's indecently sized arse and my cock starts twitching in the crotch of my Union Jack posers.

By the time my fingers are moving towards the silver studs which make up the lettering on his trunks its furiously jolting and when my fingers make contact I feel the first of no doubt many squirts of pre-cum leaking into the shiny poser material.

"Pretty cool huh?", Dan says as I trace my fingers over the silver studs of the letter "D".

I mutter an agreeable yeah but my mind is thinking one thing and one thing only; I'm touching Dan's arse. I'm actually touching Dan's arse!

When he's finally finished torturing me and showing off the back of his custom made trunks, Dan is spun around facing the camera once more.

"So folks, which do you like the best? Jake's AWESOME Union Jack posers, or my "Dan The Man" trunks"?

He then briefly spins around again, gives his shiny trunk covered bottom a big, cheeky slap and releases an outrageously cocky, "ooooh yeah"!

Now it's my turn to take over and address the camera. "Place your votes by using the poll in the description of the video. The poll will close at about 6 p.m tonight. By then we'll both have found out where we've placed in the juniour category of the show. And hopefully we'll both be picking up some trophies"!

Right on cue, Dan takes the lead once more and wraps up the latest episode of our "Dan and Jake: Brothers In Beef" vlog, informing our fans that we'll soon be heading off to the venue of the show.

"Seriously dude, those trunks are fucking awesome", Dan is saying as he pulls his joggers back up. "Union Jack posers. Fucking genius! Well played mate"!

I feel the giddy rush I always do whenever Dan throws me a compliment, and I have no doubt that it's completely genuine. But I can also tell from the tone of his voice that he knows he's, once again, beaten me to a competition.

Ten minutes later and I'm back in the en suite bathroom of our hotel room. I unzip my black tracksuit jacket for one last look at my competition conditioned physique before Dan and I head down the venue.

I'm almost freaked out at just how inhumanly shredded I've managed to get for this year's show. I'm possibly the freakiest and most shockingly conditioned I've ever been.

As I stare at the reflection of my thick cushions of striated pec meat bulging off my chest and the six blocks of perfectly chiselled, wonky shaped ab muscle bursting through my stomach, my dick starts to swell once more in my trunks.

I'm always exceptionally horny when I'm in competition condition. The past few weeks of prep have felt like a second puberty. I’ve been constantly wanking off and needing to cum. Not helped in the slightest by the fact that I've spent almost every day with the one and only Dan "The Man" Murray, i.e. one of the most loved and absurdly gorgeous current young bodybuilders, not just in Britain but in the entire world, who just so happens to be looking bigger, freakier and more pumped than he ever has.

I tentatively reach for the throbbing hard on bulging through my track pants and posing trunks. I usually try to sneakily blow a load before I compete in a show, but it's not always an easy feat when I'm sharing a hotel room with Dan.

It's not just being in competition condition that I find incredibly horny. There's something about competing in a bodybuilding show that turns me on to an almost ridiculous degree.

Standing on stage in nothing but tiny shiny posers. Shredded to death and caked in tan from head to toe. Flexing and posing and showing off my ridiculously developed slabs of crazily huge muscle mass with a bunch of other, equally huge, insanely shredded and excessively muscular lads. All of them their to flex and show off their big muscles to an adoring, awe stricken audience.

You expect to experience a high from competing, but no one tells you what an immense turn on the whole thing is.

And nothing is hornier, or more sexually charged than a posedown. All the lads going nuts, cranking up the attitude, flexing within an inch of their lives and showing off their hard earned freaky mass for all the world to see.

The first bodybuilding show I ever competed in, I spent the whole time worrying about the fact that I had an almost permanent hard on in my posers.

After about my third competition, I realised it was completely useless worrying about it, or even trying to fight it.

And then, last year, during the juniour class posedown of the same show I'm heading to today, a new fear unexpectedly presented itself.

Not content with spending half of the posedown by my side, outrageously cranking out his poses in his characteristically cocky manner, halfway through a joint abs and thighs pose, Dan decided to wrap one of his monstrous arms around my shoulders and press the side of his torso and one of his thick, shredded quads against mine.

The feeling of Dan's obscenely muscular, rock hard body engulfing mine, the sensation of our thick, freakishly shredded quads pressed together and the image of his perfectly symmetrical, gloriously sliced and crunched to an incredible degree was almost enough to push me over the edge. And as I squeezed down hard on my thick abs, I jammed my eyes shut and prayed to the stars that, standing on stage at the biggest bodybuilding show in Britain in front of an audience of hundreds, I didn't accidentally blow a massive load in my tiny shiny posing trunks.

I jump and instinctively tear my hand away from my now throbbing hard on as Dan unexpectedly knocks on the bathroom door. "Dude! You almost ready to go"?

There goes my chance of having a cheeky last minute tug. "Ermm. Yeah mate. Gimme a minute"!

Erection go down. Erection go down. OK, think of something NOT horny. Women's tits. Big tits. Dan's tits. Dan's big muscle tits. OH GOD.

I open the bathroom door to find Dan standing in the room playing with his phone. Now fully clothed in the exact same black tracksuit as I am (only his a couple of sizes bigger), he looks like an absolute brick shit house. The only bit of flesh on show now is the top of the deep crevice separating his indecently huge pecs peeking out of his tracksuit top. As I take in the image, I can feel myself rapidly getting hard once again.

With his freshly cut hair now styled to perfection and the first layer of tan beginning to show, he looks more devastatingly gorgeous than he ever has.

There’s no doubt that he'll be turning heads on the walk to the venue of the bodybuilding show. Unless I go out in a vest, I very rarely get attention in public. But when I'm with Dan, I'm always overwhelmed by the amount of heads that turn. The funniest reactions we, or more specifically he, gets seem to be from gangs of teenage girls. Some look intimidated, or just plain scared. But often, they'll giggle, smirk, go gooey eyed, shove each other for attention, and sometimes even wolf whistle at the sight of huge, built like a tank, 6 foot tall, criminally handsome Dan Murray strutting down the street with his short arsed baby-faced mate in toe.

Dan looks at me with a playfully apologetic expression. "Sorry Dude - looks like I'm topping the votes in the Posing Trunk Challenge by about, oooooh, ten per cent"!

I smirk, playfully shake my head and roll my eyes. "There's still a few hours to go mate", I say, playing along. "I could kick your arse yet".

Dan raises one eyebrow and pulls an expression as if to say, "yeah bleedin' right"!

"Speaking of kicking arse", Dan begins, picking up his holdall and throwing it over one of his absurdly broad boulder shoulders, "we'd better make a move mate".

As I pick up my backpack I think of the day that's laid out before me and a dizzy mix of emotions run through me. I'm aroused at the prospect of being in a pump room full of indecently huge and outrageously horny bodybuilders in competition condition. I'm eager to get on stage, flex and pose and show off my exceptionally shredded physique in my new Union Jack posing trunks. I'm excited at the prospect of seeing an ecstatic Dan triumphantly pick up his first place trophy, but I'm also anxious. Because I’m still feeling monumentally horny, and I have absolutely no idea when I'm going to get a spare five minutes to whip down my trunks and shoot the massive load that's been begging to be unleashed since I woke up from my wedding dream about Dan.

Just before we leave the hotel room, Dan suddenly stops in his tracks, turns to me and flashes me an affectionate and inexplicably gorgeous smile. With his big pretty eyes looking down at me and an almost poignant expression on his face, it feels as if, in a completely uncharacteristic manner, he’s about to say something heartfelt.

"In all seriousness Jake. Good luck out there today", he adorably says. "You really DO look fucking nuts".

My heart expands in my ridiculously big chest and I'm overcome with so much emotion that I fear I may actually start to well up.

"You too Dan. You're gonna absolutely fucking nail it", I reply.

His heart melting smile grows wider and for a split second I wonder whether, for the first time ever, he's actually going to reach out and hug me. Or even just give me an affectionate slap on the shoulder. Instead, he stretches out his right arm and presents me with his clenched fist to bump. 

To be continued...

Saturday, 25 February 2017

MUSCLE FICTION STORY: DAN AND JAKE (PART 1)

Last year I posted the first couple of hundred words of a story I was working on called "Dan and Jake". I've been working on the story for the past few months and it's finally finished and ready to be shared.

The story follows Dan "The Man" Murray and Jake "The Shredinator" Adams; two of Britain's biggest and most popular young bodybuilders who have their own YouTube vlog (they've been dubbed "the beefiest vloggers on the net"), where they regularly hold things like "posing trunk challenges" (who can find the best pair of posers)!

The lads are about to step on stage at the biggest show in Britain to compete in the juniour class for the third year running. Jake just has one teenie tiny problem to overcome…

Thank you to Anthony Chia-Bradley for letting me use some of his shots for the below design (my first attempt at designing something in Photoshop)!

Part 2 coming soon!



DAN AND JAKE (PART 1)

The church is absolutely packed, and as the organ man starts to play, I begin to walk down the aisle. I turn to the man to the right, clutching my arm. Good old pops. He looks genuinely choked up.

Everyone is looking at me all doughy eyed. Granny Adams is dabbing her eyes with a tissue. Auntie Mavis is nudging uncle Boris and signalling to my outfit. Both of them now staring at it in admiration.

I look down to admire it myself. A black dickie bow around my neck, a pair of smart black boots and, completing the outfit, a pair of bright red posing trunks. As shiny as you can imagine.

The red trunk coloured bulge is looking up at me. So are my abs. In all their thick, wonky shaped, and phenomenally peeled glory. Six crazily developed bumps bursting through my tummy to remind me that I'm a freakishly shredded, excessively developed muscle boy who loves nothing more than to strut around a bodybuilding stage, flexing and squeezing his superhuman sized mass for all the world to see. My slabby, beautifully carved out muscle tits, and the rest of my huge, bronzed, vein plastered body are obvious reminders too.

What is the organ man playing? I know the song but I can't quite get the name. It’s only when I get to the front of the church that it suddenly hits me. It’s a ballad organ rendition of The Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up".

A large, stocky man is standing in front of me smiling. He’s wearing one of the t-shirts from my website; black with the words "BROTHERS IN BEEF" printed on it, and around his neck is a dog collar. I recognise him instantly. It’s the commentator and host from a dozen of my previous bodybuilding shows. I'm pretty sure his name is Bob.

"Friends, relatives, muscleheads", Bob begins in his thick Yorkshire accent. "We're here today to witness the union between two of Britain's biggest and most popular young bodybuilders".

I take a sneaky glance at the man standing next to me. It would only be one person. Could only be one person.

"Yo dude", he quietly says, with his fist held out for me to discreetly bump. I oblige, obviously, and just catch a quick glance of the bow tie around his neck, exactly like mine, and the big blocks of abdominal muscle popping through his stomach. Also exactly like mine.

Bob carries on the sermon for a number of minutes, and then it’s time for the vows.

"Do you Jake "The Shredinator" Adams, take Dan "The Man" Murray to be your lawfully wedded muscle freak"?

"FUCK YES!", I exclaim, and everyone roars with laughter. "Oooops sorry", I sheepishly add. "I mean, I do".

And with those two words, my heart swells. I do I do I do.

"I now pronounce you, pumped up, shredded to buggery muscle freak and, well....pumped up, shredded to buggery muscle freak".

I can't wipe the grin off my face. He's mine. Dan The Man is finally mine.

"You may now squeeze a head to head crab most muscular".

"HELL YEAH!", Dan exclaims.

I turn to face my new hubbie, matching bow tie, black boots, shiny red posers and all. A huge, cheeky grin plastered across his face, as utterly gorgeous as ever. The face that plays a big contribution to him being one half of the two most popular and well loved bodybuilders in Britain.

"Let's do this mate!", Dan said.

I grin wildly and nod as I bend forward and lift both arms so they're level with my shoulder blades. Bob wants a head to head crab most muscular and that's what he's gonna get.

"SQUEEEEZE IT LADS!", shouts Bob.

And squeeze it we do. With my forehead pressed up against Dan's, we both bring our arms down and blast out matching crab most musculars, while aggressively shouting in unison.

"YEEEEAARRGGHHHH"!!

Dan "The Man" Murray. My lifelong muscle buddie. Best friend. Vlogging partner. Brother in beef. Fellow shredded muscle freak. Love of my life. And now my husband.

"Jake"!

Our heads are still locked. Our teeth now gritted.

"JAKE"!

Faces scrunched to buggery. Intensely and affectionately looking into each other's eyes.

"Dude! Wake up"!

Every muscle squeezed and bursting through our paper thin skin. Shiny red posers barely able to contain our bulges.

"JAKE. DUDE. WAKE. UP"!

Ugh. What’s going on?! Fuck. I feel dazed. Disorientated.

"What the fuck were you dreaming about"?

The church has gone, and I'm in a strange bed instead. A hotel bed. The curtains are open. Ugh. Why is it so fucking bright?

But there's one saving grace. I feel typically giddy and a sense of warmth washes over me as I see Dan's face, just as handsome first thing in the morning as it always is. He has a bad case of bed head. Ruffled and un-styled. He's never looked more adorable.

He's lying next to me in the double bed of the hotel room, still wearing the white vest he went to bed in last night. His arms have never looked more pumped and his delts look fucking ridiculously. His whole upper body looks like it's ready to burst.

"Dude you were saying my name in your sleep!", Dan says.

"Oh", I reply, my cheeks suddenly burning up and my pulse quickening.

"Ummm...I think I was dreaming about the show", I say.

"Did I kick your arse for the third year running?", he cheekily says with a grin.

"Actually I kicked your arse", I playfully retort, knowing full well that the chance of that particular scenario occurring is extremely slim.

"You must have been dreaming dude", he replies.

Not yet fully woken up, I smile and dreamily gaze at my best friend and fellow bodybuilding musclehead from my pillow. I want nothing more than to stay in this hotel bed with him. For us to spend all day under the sheets, exploring and worshipping each other's indecently muscular bodies.

Feeling each other's huge, pumped biceps, squeezing each other's thick, balloon-esque pecs, exploring the deep lines separating each of our shredded blocks of ab muscle and rubbing our huge freaky quads together. Making each other cum over and over until we finally collapse and I fall asleep with my arm wrapped around his crazy midsection and my head buried deep into the thick cushion which makes up one of his ridiculously developed pecs.

Unfortunately, we have the juniour class of Britain's biggest bodybuilding show to compete in, which Dan will no doubt champion in for the third year running, leaving me to, once again, settle for second place.

Not that Dan’s physique is miles ahead of mine in terms of quality. In fact, I'm guaranteed to always be better conditioned than him. Better than any lad in my class in fact. After all, I didn't get the nickname "The Shredinator" for nothing. Razor sharp cuts, dick thin skin, freaky veins (even on my abs!) and a full on bonkers Christmas tree will all be making their usual stage appearance today.

And I'm not exactly lacking in size either. My pecs look like two pumpkins bulging off my chest, my quads get thicker with every passing show and my shoulders were replaced with two, huge, perfectly round boulders many moons ago. Oh and speaking of moons, my bum is huge. Like, seriously fucking enormous. There's not a pair of posing trunks in the world big enough to cover up the whole of my ridiculously huge rump.

But I have one major drawback. I'm 5' 5” tall.  So while my quads may be more shredded than Dan’s, the lines in my abs deeper, and my bum most certainly bigger, it's hard to compete with a brilliantly conditioned, mass packed bodybuilder who has an extra seven inches in height and thirty five pounds in weight than you do.

"Dude, I can't wait to see your posing trunks", Dan excitedly says. "I'm pretty sure I'm gonna kick your arse in that contest too".

"Hmmmm. I wouldn't be too cocky just yet", I playfully tease, picturing the utterly brilliant posers hidden in my holdall.

"Shall we shower and then do the vid?", Dan asks. He looks like an excitable puppy, with the big brown eyes to match. I love how excited Dan gets about filming episodes of our "Dan and Jake: Brothers In Beef" vlog, although on this occasion I have to admit, I’m pretty excited myself.

Dan came up with an idea to hold a "Posing Trunk Challenge" a few months ago. The goal was for each of us to find the best pair of posers for the competition. We'd both reveal our trunks in a vlog episode the morning of the show, and it was up to our viewers to decide which of the two of us had won the challenge.

Dan was always slightly more adventurous with his posing trunks than I was, and I was sure whatever crazy pair he'd found would win him the challenge, but I was still really pleased with the pair I'd chosen. I was pretty sure Dan would love them too. I couldn't wait to see the look of approval on his impossibly handsome face when he saw them clinging to my excessively sized arse for the first time.

Dan throws back the duvet and jumps out of bed and my heart sinks in response. Stood up, Dan looks absolutely monstrous. He's ten pounds heavier than last years competition - and boy does it show. His brutal upper body is exploding with mass, not least of all with those obscenely pumped arms of his. The judges may as well just save everyone the hassle and hand him the first place juniour class trophy now.

Still looking up at him from my pillow, Dan peels, with comical difficulty, his white vest up his torso and over his head. His now revealed incredible abs are blistering through his stomach.

Where my abs are wonky shaped and haphazardly spread across my midsection, Dan's stomach is perfectly symmetrical. Six beautifully shaped abs cleanly separated by almost straight lines. A perfect midsection to match his perfectly pumped pecs, and every single perfect feature on his boyish, yet masculine, and almost sickeningly handsome face.

If I wasn't completely and madly in love with him, I'd probably be extremely envious of Dan "The Man" Murray. He'll always have more Twitter followers, his Instagram posts will always get more likes, he'll always have more muscle loving gay guys lusting over him, he'll always be the "hot one" and I'll always be the "cute one", he'll always be the monster and I'll always be the pocket rocket and he'll always walk away with a bigger and better trophy than I will. Still, at least I'll always have the bigger arse.

"Just wait until you see my trunks dude", Dan enthusiastically says, grinning wildly, as he pulls out a towel from his bag.

"Are you more excited about the show or the posing trunk challenge?", I teasingly ask.

He laughs and cheekily responds. "What can I say dude? I just really like kicking your arse".

Fifteen minutes later and a freshly showered Dan has re-emerged, just as outrageously huge and devastatingly handsome as always. His pecs are doing nothing to tame the swelling bulge in my undies under the bed sheets. "Dude, we’d better hurry up. We need enough time to go to the tanning tents backstage. Plus I want to get a good half an hour of pumping up before we hit the stage".

I dutifully obey my best friend and jump into the shower. About half an hour later, I'm back in the en suite bathroom putting on my new pair of posing trunks, then hiding them under a pair of shorts in preparation for the posing trunk challenge, in our newest episode of our "Dan and Jake: Brothers In Beef" vlog.

The vlog was all Dan's doing. About a year ago, when we were still in fairly decent condition from competing, Dan had a completely bonkers idea. He thought it would be fun if we painted each other's entire bodies green, put on purple shorts like The Hulk wears, go into our local town centre, start flexing and posing in the middle of the street and catch everyone's reactions on camera.

I thought he was joking until he turned up on my doorstep with two big tubs of bright green body paint.

I was a little embarrassed at first, and slightly scared that we might get arrested, but once people started crowding round us, coming up to us to shake our hands, chat to us and have their pictures taken, I actually started to really enjoy it.

Of course Dan loved it from the second we stepped out of the car, but then Dan just adores any kind of attention his muscles bring him.

The video was as equally popular when posted online. "You guys should have your own YouTube channel and start a vlog", suggested one follower in the comments section. And so we did. And now, a year and thousands of followers later we've been dubbed the Internet's beefiest vloggers. Dan and Jake; the only bodybuilding vlogging duo in the world.

Of course we've attracted criticism too. Most of it from straight, fellow bodybuilders not impressed or amused by our laddish and quite often bonkers antics. Though most of it seems to be directed at Dan. Whether they see him as the ringleader, or whether there's a certain amount of hidden jealousy at play, I'm not really sure.

"What's the British version of a douchebag? Surely it would be Dan Murray."

"Dan The Man? More like Dan The Twat".

"Jake needs to ditch that idiot Dan and get serious about bodybuilding. He's young and his physique is insane. He could be a future pro 212 class bodybuilder, but his bromance with Dan and this Brothers In Beef shit is doing nothing for his reputation".

Those are just a few negative comments which comes to mind. The last one particularly stuck in my head. And, of course, the very notion that I would "ditch" Dan is completely ridiculous. Dan is my best friend and always will be. I wouldn't be anything but loyal towards him.

"Right mate, we're all set", Dan says as he positions his digital camera on the hotel room desk. Filming of our latest vlog episode is about to begin.

To be continued…

Saturday, 31 December 2016

THE BEST OF MUSCLE ADDICTS INC 2016

Impossibly pumped pecs, gloriously sliced abs, quads so insanely conditioned they look fucking mutated, ridiculously developed biceps, inhumanly shredded, line plastered glutes, and brilliantly coloured posers shiny enough to satisfy the most ardent of posing trunk fans (ME ME ME)! It's all here in my annual "Best of" post featuring some of the best and most popular pics to have featured on the blog in the last twelve months. I've also popped the two video compilations I made this year at the end of the post.

I want to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who has viewed, followed and (especially) commented on and contributed to my posts this year. There there have been some BRILLIANT comments posted, and even a few touching ones too, particularly on my "Charlie's Secret" and "5 Years of Muscle Addicts Inc" posts.

There were a few in the latter that were really fucking lovely that I didn't specifically respond to. In fact I was a bit bad at responding to any comments in that post and I want to apologise for that! But even if I don't reply to every individual comment please know how much I appreciate everyone who makes the effort to leave their thoughts and kind words about my posts and stories!

And speaking of stories, a few people have asked me about reading "Charlie's Secret" recently. I've been doing a bit of tweaking to it and I'm trying to decide whether it's worth continuing to go down the self-publishing route. If I do, I will publish it as an e-book. Otherwise I will re-post it here on the blog.

I'm taking a bit of a break from the blog now but I will be back with some kind of update soon, and maybe even a new story. Have an awesome New Years and I'll see you guys soon!






















































 


























 




























































































































































































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